Things I Wish I’d Written: “Bio” by Josh Denslow

I fell in love with Josh Denslow’s “Bio” when I read it in Used Furniture Review more than two years ago. It’s not just that “Bio” is hilarious (though that’s most of it), but that in its concision and rhythm its story is told not in what is written but in what isn’t.

 

Bio by Josh Denslow

 

Peter Frumkin lives in Barrington, Illinois with three dogs, two cats, a bird named Dorothy and his lovely girlfriend who will grow to love animals. This is his first published story.

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Peter Frumkin is a happy man. His story Things Always Get Better in this issue is dedicated to his wife, Veronica. They currently live in a tiny apartment in Barrington, Illinois with a troop of animals, but he (Peter Frumkin) promises (in print) that he will move them all into a house. Soon.

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Peter Frumkin lives in a historical house (i.e. needs work) in Elgin, Illinois with three dogs, two cats and his wife Veronica who unfortunately hates birds. He recently completed his first novel about a man who gets facial reconstruction so he can look more like his girlfriend’s previous boyfriend.

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Peter Frumkin spends too much time writing. He is uninterested in having children until he sells his first novel. His wife, Veronica, is unfulfilled sexually.

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Compromise is Peter Frumkin’s first published story in over a year. He’s been saving his best work for the marriage counselor.

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Peter Frumkin’s stories have appeared in numerous online and print journals. He currently lives on a couch in his front room and has been unsuccessful in his attempts to get his dogs to curl up with him.

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Peter Frumkin would like to thank this publication for paying him for his story Things Always Get Worse. He is now able to afford another dinner for his wife and her new boyfriend.

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Peter Frumkin lives in a tiny apartment while his wife lives in their house with his three dogs and two cats. He (Peter Frumkin) misses his bird.

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Peter Frumkin wants you to notice him.

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Peter Frumkin’s stories are forthcoming in notebook pages left under his ex-wife’s windshield and in the steam that forms on her bathroom mirror. Just kidding. That’s what crazy people do.

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Peter Frumkin is fifty-five pounds lighter than the Peter Frumkin who was published in this journal six months ago. That’s like half of an Asian woman. Peter Frumkin shed half an Asian woman and bought new clothes and washed his car. His story Stalking is a work of fiction.

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Peter Frumkin eats and sleeps a lot. His most recent stories are depressing.

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Peter Frumkin’s ex-wife dropped off his three dogs and two cats before she ran off to Boston. He (Peter Frumkin) still misses his bird.

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Peter Frumkin met someone new and is happy to take things slowly. This is his first novel.

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